May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can you bring me the toilet please
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
