College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
