I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
