she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
