sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
