i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
