Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
