Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
