when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
