so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
