he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
