woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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