If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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