we're chasing vodka with high fives
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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