omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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