so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
