new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
