I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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