eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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