Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
