I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
