Farmville is her only friend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
