I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
