Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
