Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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