i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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