if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
