she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
