you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
