I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Operation Purity has been aborted
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
