I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
