What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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