The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
