I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
