she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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