I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
