I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
