Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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