My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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