If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
