sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
