That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
