He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
