umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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