So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
