Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
