I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
