Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
