If i come over, it means nothing
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
