"it" just moved
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
